More quotes from George (Carlin)

• When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
• If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted?
• When someone is impatient and says, "I haven't got all day," I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
• I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
• Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
• Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
• Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
• Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.
• If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
• "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
• Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?
• Why is the man (or woman) who invests all your money called a broker?
• I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
• The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
  

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