Tidbits of Shanghai (part 1)

(For more pictures of Shanghai, please click here)

Two views of "The Bund": the Bund at night, and the Bund during the day:
At night:
The bund is a beautiful place to be at night. The lights that outline the builds are simply incredible - its all about the show. The lights change color constantly, almost like the fourth of July fireworks here at night.

Unfortunately, we went to the Bund on a day where everyone else was there - the last night of the national holiday. There were sooo many people! My goodness. It was like being on a crowded bus, all the time! It took us about half an hour to cross the street to the other side because there were so many people. At least we didn't lose anyone (stayed together through it all...)

What is more impressive though, I think, is the day-time view of the Bund. Check it out:
I think this view is more incredible because it shows just how immense the buildings were, and how many immense buildings there were along the Huangpu river. It was amazing. From what I heard, most of these buildings are designed by world-class architects.... (this makes San Francisco look like a small town) The other part of this is that these buildings are not just concentrated in the Bund area, but are spread out all over Shanghai (but not as impressive). Our hotel is about 40 minutes by taxi away from the Bund, but you will see these world class buildings all along the way.

Hope you will get a chance to visit some day!

john

1 man, 2 cultures (reflections of trip to Shanghai)

(disclaimer: if I sound racist in this posting, please forgive me...)

Just got back from a business trip to Shanghai. We had a really good time in Shanghai - although it was super busy, we did get to go out and see parts of the great city. It was quite different, in almost every way: size, people, and the culture.

As soon as I stepped off the plane. I can feel the humidity, along with it, a sense of being 'home'. I haven't felt humidity in a while - although its not very pleasant, but it felt like home. Its like I was in a time warp, travelling back to the time when I'd drop off my backpacks as soon as I got home from school, heading straight to the playground to play baseball, and getting in trouble when my parents get home because I didn't do my homework. Boy it was a great feeling.

After spending 10 days there, I felt that I could blend in, disappear, get lost in the great city of Shanghai. I felt at home, I felt comfortable. I spend most of my time explaining the chinese culture to my co-workers. I really felt that I was proud to be Chinese.

But I am not. I had spent most of my life here in the United States, and I sometimes think and act like an American. I can't speak chinese that well, and I can't write, and worst part is that I can't type in chinese. So in the end, who am I?

I've been struggling with this for a while now. Am I "Chinese American"? What exactly is that? I don't reaally think "chinese american" is a culture - one is either more "Chinese" or more "American", depending on which culture you feel more comfortable in. For me, I can function well in either cultures, but I don't feel like I fit in. Thus, I feel lost. Am I Chinese or American?

My life is here in America. My son is growing up here, my wife was born here in the US. I went to highschool and college here in the States. I can speak almost perfect English, and have a great time when I go out with my co-workers after work. I am a big fan of American football, and I am generally not interested in what happens in other countries other than the US. I celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas.

But am I "American"? Far from it. My wife thinks that I am pretty "fobby". (Fresh Off the Boat) About 95% of my friends are Asians, and I pretty much only hang out with them. I eat a lot more Chinese food than most of my friends can handle, and I watch alot of chinese movies. I don't feel comfortable at a party where everyone is "American", unless they have some Asian blood in them.

On the flip side, even though I felt comfortable and feel like I can blend in in China, I don't think they see me as one of them. For one, I dress differently, and I only have a rudimentary knowledge of the language. I can get by, but I am not sure if I fit in. My ideals are very different. I think that people should be free to do what they do and not be bound by the society. I believe in creating opportunities for myself. I feel that people should not feel obligated to stay in relationships that they don't really want to be in. Lastly, I can barely read, not past a 5th grade level, and I can't write and I type really slowly in chinese. I don't really remember or celebrate Chinese holidays (other than chinese new years).

So, this is probably why I feel so weird these days. Who am I? What culture do I belong to? What is my identity? Part of it is that I feel scared, alone. Sometimes I feel that Liz doesn't understand this inner struggle that I have. Sometimes I resent my parents for bring me to the US when I was 12, and now I don't have a culture that I can identify with. I am somewhere in limbo, drifting from side to side, depending on where I am or who I am talking to. I think if I were to spend a lot of time in either place, I would miss the other.

Through all the books that I read from my classes in Asian American studies, I don't think any of the authors have an answer. Although, one thing is for sure - I am beginning to see the struggles that they have. I used to brush them off as idiots that just don't know who they are. Now I am one of those idiots....

Worst part is, I think I will forget about all this next week. I will go back to my daily routine, live my American way of life, go about with church, and hang out with all my Asian American friends here. That is why I am writing this down this time.

Who am I? Please help.

thanks
john